I’ll rest when it’s done, but it’s never done.
I work with adults whose finish line keeps moving. A win lasts about as long as it takes to start the next thing, and rest keeps getting rescheduled for a day that doesn’t arrive.
A short video call to see if we’re a good fit. Nothing to prepare, and nothing to get right.
(If this page feels like one more thing to finish, just skim.)
Does this sound like you?
Perfectionism isn’t always about being flawless. Often it sounds more like this:
- A second job that starts after the real one ends, made of checking, tightening, and monitoring
- A win that should have felt good but kicked off the next thing instead
- Sitting on the couch and hating that it’s happening, because the mind still treats the day as a problem to solve
- Rushing through today to get to a “later” that never arrives
- A quiet fear that getting off the wheel means everything piles up, and staying on it means disappearing
Ninety percent registering as a fail, instead of a ninety.
Ambition isn’t the problem. The fear driving it is.
Why a win never quite lands
From the outside, the standard is held and the work gets done. Other people skim the result, say thanks, and have no idea what it took.
Underneath is a simple rule that costs a lot: worth equals output. So a standard that gets met goes up, and a typical human standard starts to feel sloppy, which is why rest has to be earned and never quite is.
(The standard isn’t the enemy. It just never got a day off.)
- 1The standard gets met.
- 2Other people skim it and say thanks, with no idea what it took.
- 3Underneath is a rule: worth equals output.
- 4So the standard moves up.
- Meet it, and it goes up. Miss it, and the pull is to turn on yourself. Either way, the loop starts again at 1.
- Or a way out: what matters to you.
That’s often what burnout can look like here: not collapsing, just running a race with no end and blaming yourself for being tired.
Work conditions matter too. If your job is genuinely unsustainable, therapy can help with how you carry the pressure, but the load may need to change as well.
What many people hope for
You’re not asking to lose your edge, only for it to stop being the only thing holding you up.
Standards don’t have to go anywhere. What many people hope for is for their worth to rest on more than what they get done, so that rest, partway done, and the finish lines they’ve already crossed can count too.
- ↗Rest that doesn’t have to be earned
- ↗Partway done counting as something
- ↗The finish line you already crossed counting too
- ↗A day that gets to be a day, not a referendum on whether you’re still good
- ↗A kinder voice when you miss
How I work
With perfectionism, understanding it rarely does the whole job, because the pattern can be seen perfectly and the pull still felt. So in session I draw on ACT and parts work from a warm, person-centered starting point.
ACT has an image I use a lot: a bus. You’re the driver, and the passengers are the parts of you, like the one that keeps score and the one that’s tired. They’re loud, and they’ve been trying to help. There’s often a deal with the one that keeps score: do everything perfectly, and it stays quiet in the back. That works, until the only route available is the one that keeps it quiet.
The work isn’t about doing less, or about adding self-care as one more thing to fail at, and it isn’t about throwing anyone off the bus. Sometimes you pull over and listen to the tired one. Mostly it’s getting your hands back on the wheel, pointed at what matters to you, so that stopping isn’t a character test. And there’s no need to be good at this.
What working together looks like
Who I work with
You’re invited
No grades, no proof required.
- Who
- People with big titles, parents keeping the whole house in the air, and people with no title and a standard that never comes down
- Come as you are
- Still functioning is fine, and it’s often exactly how this stays hidden
- Bring
- Nothing. Not a clean story, and not proof you’re burned out enough
- Where
- For adults who live in California
- When
- First sessions are often available within about a week
- Cost
- $200 per session, private pay, superbills available
(No résumé, no proof of exhaustion. Just a time that works.)
Common questions
Is this perfectionism, or just high standards?
One useful test is what happens when a standard gets met. If there’s room to feel good about it, that’s usually healthy striving. If the standard moves up the moment it’s met, or a miss turns into harsh self-criticism, that’s closer to what this page describes. A label isn’t required to start.
What if my job is the problem?
Sometimes it is. Therapy can help with how the pressure gets carried and what to do about it, but if a workload is genuinely unsustainable, that may need to change too, and we can talk through what’s yours to change.
I’m already exhausted. Won’t therapy be one more thing to do?
It’s one hour a week, and the first call is fifteen minutes. If it starts to feel like another thing to perform well at, that’s worth saying out loud, and we’ll change the approach.
Will homework turn into another thing to perfect?
Homework is optional. If you’d like something between sessions we’ll find something, and if you don’t, I won’t invent a program for you to grade yourself on.
Can we start in the middle of a big deadline or launch?
Many people do. Sessions are weekly and online, so they can fit around a calendar, and we can begin with whatever is most pressing.
Start with a free 15-minute call
Bring yourself unfinished. Nothing here needs to be polished first.
(Showing up unprepared counts. Consider it a small win.)