High-functioning anxiety
Functioning, but working twice as hard to do it
From the outside, things look handled. Underneath, there’s a checklist that never quite switches off, and a quiet sense that if you stopped managing everything for even a moment, something important would slip.
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(I’m guessing you’ve already rehearsed this call. That’s fine.)
Going around
Does any of this sound familiar?
Rest feels like something to earn, and somehow it never quite gets earned.
Conversations get replayed on the drive home, just to make sure nothing came out wrong.
Emails get reread a few more times than anyone would guess.
The to-do list follows you to bed, and sometimes wakes you at 3 a.m.
Even on vacation, part of your mind stays at work.
Saying yes feels easier than letting someone down, even when your plate is already full.
By the end of the day, the people closest to you get the shortest fuse.
It’s hard to remember the last time you took a real breath.
If a few of these landed, you’re in good company. High-functioning anxiety isn’t a formal diagnosis, but it is a very real pattern, and it tends to hide in plain sight because the people living with it are so good at keeping everything running.
The hidden cost
What all that managing costs
For a lot of people, anxiety has been part of the engine for years. It helped you prepare, follow through and catch problems before anyone else noticed, so it’s understandable if part of you worries that easing up would mean losing your edge.
The trouble is that running on anxiety takes far more fuel than it looks like from the outside. Many people describe it as functioning, but spending two or three times the energy to get there. That extra effort has to come from somewhere, and it usually comes out of sleep, patience, presence at home and the ability to enjoy anything you’ve worked for. Over time the body starts keeping score too, with tension in the jaw and shoulders, an unsettled stomach, or hands that shake for no obvious reason.
The extra effort usually comes out of
- Sleep
- Patience
- Presence at home
- The ability to enjoy what you’ve worked for
And the body keeps score, too
- Tension in the jaw and shoulders
- An unsettled stomach
- Hands that shake for no obvious reason
None of this means something is wrong with you. It means the strategy that got you here is costing more than it used to.
The turn
Why trying harder hasn’t fixed it
What most of us try
Planning, checking, staying busy and pushing through are all reasonable ways to handle anxiety, and they often work for a while. Meditation apps, breathing exercises and self-help books can help too. The catch is that most of these efforts carry the same message underneath: this feeling is dangerous and has to be gotten rid of. So the managing grows, and before long it takes up more room than the life it was meant to protect.
A classic demonstration
Psychologists have a classic demonstration of this. When people in studies were asked not to think about a white bear, many of them ended up thinking about it more. Anxious thoughts can work in a similar way, which is why the harder you try to quiet them, the louder they sometimes get.
Where my approach differs
That’s where my approach is a little different. Rather than handing you one more strategy for winning the fight with anxiety, therapy with me focuses on helping you stop playing tug-of-war with it, so your energy can go back to the things that actually matter to you.
Taking one
How we work together
My work is grounded in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), woven together with parts work and a warm, person-centered foundation. In practice, it usually unfolds something like this:
Slow down and look.
Instead of rushing past the anxious thoughts and feelings, we get curious about what they’re actually like, in your body as well as your mind.
Get clear on what matters.
Together we sort out what you genuinely care about, as opposed to what you’ve been told you should want.
Count the cost.
We look honestly at what keeping anxiety in check has been costing, which is often rest, connection and the chance to enjoy your own life.
Choose your direction.
You decide what you’re willing to make room for in order to move toward what matters, at a pace that feels right.
Build the skills, then use them.
In session and out in daily life, we practice the skills that make those steps possible, like stepping back from sticky thoughts and staying present when your mind wants to race ahead.
A session, in short
What our sessions are like
Sessions aren’t just a recap of your week followed by a homework sheet. Much of the work happens right there in the room, with guided, hands-on exercises that let you try a different way of relating to anxiety while I’m alongside you. I’ll also explain what’s going on psychologically in plain language, because understanding why your mind does what it does tends to take a lot of the sting out of it.
I’m warm, curious and fairly quick to laugh, so there’s room for both tears and humor here. I’m not a tough-love therapist who’s going to call you out, and there’s no right way to show up. (If you’re already wondering whether you’d be good at therapy, that’s very on brand, and also not required.)
We meet online in 50-minute sessions, and the camera is optional. Some people come weekly, others every other week, and we can find the rhythm that fits your life.
What working together looks like
Relaxed, and you can ask me anything
If it feels like a good fit
Online, at a pace that fits, and homework is optional
The exits
What can change
I won’t promise that anxiety will disappear, and I’d be wary of anyone who does. Anxiety is part of being a person who cares about things. What tends to shift is how much say it gets. As the struggle eases, many people find that:
Rest starts to feel allowed rather than earned.
Decisions come from what matters to them, not from whatever feels safest in the moment.
Evenings at home feel more present and less like recovery time.
Anxious thoughts still visit, but they’re easier to notice and less convincing.
The drive and care that made them good at what they do stay intact, with less fear running underneath.
Some people notice a bit of relief early on, while for many the change builds gradually. Either way, this isn’t a quick fix, and we’ll go at a pace that makes sense for you.
Being upfront
Is this a good fit?
Who I work with
I work with adults anywhere in California through secure online sessions. This tends to be a good fit if anxiety is quietly running more of your life than you’d like, even though nobody else would guess, and if you’re curious about a different way of relating to it rather than another technique for fighting it.
When I’m not the right fit
I’m not the right fit for crisis care, court-involved work, addiction treatment, couples or teens. If any of those apply, I’m happy to help point you toward someone who is.
If you’re in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, please call or text 988 or call 911.
You're invited
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
You don’t need to wait until anxiety gets worse, or until you’ve found the perfect way to explain what’s going on.
A free 15-minute call is a chance to talk about what you’re looking for and see whether working together feels right.
Camera optional. No need to prepare.